


Smooth Criminal

by amidststars



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Accomplice!Eren, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Vigilante!Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amidststars/pseuds/amidststars
Summary: “You know what I hate? Having to watch the police take you away from me in cuffs. Most people follow up sex with some cuddling and a little pillow talk. A nap, if they’re lucky enough to have no place else to be. Whereas we get off to the sound of our house being invaded by half the precinct.”Levi shrugged. “Go big or go home.”For the prompt: “Honey, this relationship isn’t going to work if you keep getting charged for murder."
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 12
Kudos: 209





	Smooth Criminal

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted August 13, 2018.

The officer in the far corner of the room was the complete opposite of intimidating. Painfully young and awkwardly lanky, it looked like a good, strong gust would blow him over. Even Armin could probably take him down. The remnants of a classic case of teenage acne and the scraggly, patchwork beginnings of a beard didn’t help his case. It was embarrassing, really. But what he lacked in appearance, he made up for in determination. He puffed out his chest and stood tall with a ridiculous amount of pride, taking his job of surveying the room’s occupants way too seriously.

_Give it a few years, kid._

Turning back in his chair, Eren glanced up. One of the fluorescent lights overhead was flickering erratically with its dying breaths, and he didn’t envy whoever ended up changing the bulb. They’d get a nasty shower, seeing how the plastic covering was littered with all manner of dead bugs. Not that the mess would be out of place. A thin layer of grime had already yellowed the once white tile floor, no doubt a combination of poor housekeeping and the dusty air pouring out of the air conditioning vent that smelled faintly of laundry detergent and hot dogs.

Unfortunately, the grimy conditions weren’t contained to the ceilings or floor either. The edges of his chair were sticky, the glass partition in front of him was clouded and smudged, and there was a questionable gel-like substance on the phone hanging on the wall to his right.

Eren drummed his fingers on his crossed arms and did his best not to touch anything. All in all, the jail left a lot to be desired. If it was this bad out here in the visiting room, he could only imagine what conditions were like on the inside. His lips twitched at the thought. Levi must be having a shit fit.

As if summoned, a door opened on the opposite side of the glass and a familiar figure was escorted into the room.

Their eyes immediately locked, but only for a moment before Levi’s gaze flicked away to watch the guard undo the handcuffs. Once removed, the guard motioned to the chair opposite Eren. The partition prevented Eren from hearing anything other than those on his half of the room, but he saw Levi’s mouth move, one corner curling derisively. The guard glowered in response to whatever crude thing Levi had probably said – he had a penchant for riling up those in authoritative positions – but abstained from reacting with anything more than a slight push in the right direction.

Levi took his time approaching, and when he finally slid into the chair, he sprawled across the cheap plastic like it was a throne, one arm slung lazily over the back. It was only after he’d taken in the conditions of the room that he met Eren’s eyes again, and god damn it, no one should be allowed to look that good behind bars.

Snagging a tissue from the nearby box, Eren cleaned off the phone and picked it up, held it to his ear, looked pointedly from Levi to the phone on his own side of the cubicle. Levi didn’t move, gaze narrowing. However, Eren’s stubborn refusal to falter under that iconic glare had him caving. Levi heaved an exaggerated sigh and reached for the phone, and Eren could practically hear his grumbling before his voice even began to filter through the receiver.

“—at the ass crack of dawn, now there’s this disgusting thing. Whole place is a cesspool. Might as well be allergic to bleach. It should be physically impossible to—”

Eren patiently waited for Levi to get all the complaining out of his system, then propped his chin in his free hand. “Morning, sweetheart.”

“Fuck off,” Levi said. “You know I hate it when you call me that.”

“Yeah?” Oh, he knew. He just didn’t care. “Well, you know what I hate?”

“The logistical nightmare that was season seven of Game of Thrones?”

“No— well, yes,” Eren admitted. A disaster was what it was, but he refused to be sidetracked. “But what I really hate is having to watch the police take you away from me in cuffs. Most people follow up sex with some cuddling and a little pillow talk. A nap, if they’re lucky enough to have no place else to be. Whereas we get off to the sound of our house being invaded by half the precinct.”

Levi shrugged. “Go big or go home.”

“You barely had enough time to pull out! I hadn’t even caught my breath!” The details weren’t what Eren had planned to discuss, but now that he’d broached the subject, he couldn’t seem to stop. “All those officers saw me naked!” Levi had managed to pull up his boxers before the squad busted in the door. Eren, on the other hand, had fallen off the bed in shock, feet twisted up in the sheets, lube still slick on his thighs.

“And when have you ever been shy?” Levi teased.

“Okay, yeah, there may or may not be video evidence of me streaking across the quad at uni.” Of all the people who had to whip out their phone that night, it just had to be fucking Jean. “But this was different, and you know it.”

Tipping the chair back, Levi balanced on two of the legs. “They saw me naked when they strip searched me too, so…”

“Levi.”

“Hey, at least we finished before they got there. We could have been separated with the worst case of blue balls in history.”

“ _Levi_.”

“ _Eren_.” The chair hit the floor with a clack that could be heard through the phone. Levi scratched at his undercut in the silence that followed, seeming utterly bored as he stared at some point over Eren’s shoulder. “Isn’t it a little early to be ruining my day?” he asked.

Maybe Levi was right.

Maybe he was taking it a bit too far.

After all, their… foray into voyeurism hadn’t exactly been planned.

“And here I thought you’d be happy to see me.” Eren inhaled through his nose, huffed out the last of his frustrations through the exhale, and ran a hand through his hair. Feeling better, he peeked out between the bangs falling over his eyes and grinned. “You’re a vision in orange.”

Levi snorted. “Don’t be an idiot. We both know blue would’ve matched my eyes better.”

Ah, there it was. That smirk Eren loved so much. Never quite full-blown, more a faint predatory lift at the corners of his mouth. He pretty much never got to witness it outside the bedroom, so seeing it now was like seeing something rare and wonderful. Surprising, for sure. Sexy as hell, also. How he’d ever managed to catch the interest of someone like Levi, much less keep him around for the past couple years, remained a mystery to Eren, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“Hey, Levi…” Eren preferred to be upbeat and carefree. That was how he liked to live his life. He was naturally the chaos to Levi’s order. But every once in a while, gravity snuck up on him and drew him back to earth. The sudden tightness in his chest had him leaning forward, fingers a little too tight around the receiver. “Why’d you do it?”

“The guy was a pig. Trash. How many more women had to suffer before he got caught?” Levi challenged, lip curled in disgust. “The police are incompetent fucks. That piece of shit deserved to be put in the ground.”

“Of course he _deserved_ it. That’s not the point.” Not the point he was trying to get to, at least. Levi was right, though. After everything that guy had done, he deserved to die a thousand times, each one more painful than the last. The world was better off without him. Still… “Honey, this relationship isn’t going to work if you keep getting charged for murder.”

“Haven’t been charged for anything yet.”

“ _Yet_ being the key word. This one wasn’t like the others. We were… messy. Rushed. They might actually be able to build a case,” Eren said. Judging by the way Levi’s eyes fell away, he was aware of that too. It would all work out in the end, but Eren’s nervous energy wouldn’t settle until all this was in the past. “Seriously, though… why’d you do it? It’s not like you were alone that night. Why’d you have to be the only one to take the fall?”

Finally Levi sobered, features smoothing out as he flicked an invisible speck of dust off his jumpsuit. “Because you’d never survive prison. You’re too pretty. You’d be someone’s bitch in no time, and I don’t like sharing. No one gets that ass but me.”

“Wow…” Eren breathed a laugh. “That might be the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Plus, you’re the one that needs to be on the outside,” Levi continued, ignoring Eren’s comment and leaning forward to mimic his position. “You’re the only one who can do it. I’d just fuck it up, much as I hate to admit it. You’re the only one I’d trust with this. And if you ever repeat that, I swear I’ll—”

“Not a word.” Not that he was intimidated. Any threat Levi threw his way was empty anyway, and they both knew it.

“Right. Well…” Levi thumped his fist on the tabletop. “This has been fun and all, but I should get back. Did you get what you needed?”

“Yep!”

“0400 hours?”

Eren rubbed his jaw, absently noting that he needed to shave when he got home. “Let’s shoot for 0430. You know how I’m always late.”

“I certainly didn’t marry you for your punctuality,” Levi quipped.

“No, but I make up for it with my good looks and charming personality. I’ve been told I’m pretty good with my hands, too.”

When Eren proceeded to waggle his brows suggestively, Levi scoffed. “Tch. You’re useful, I’ll give you that.”

“Useful? That’s it?” Eren laid a hand over his heart with a dramatically pained expression. “Ouch. I’ll remember that next time you play hard to get.”

“Get the fuck out of here, Jaeger.”

“I thought we agreed on Ackerman-Jaeger.”

“Out, you little shit,” Levi said, standing abruptly. The guard that had been waiting by the far door noted the movement and began to approach, not hesitating even when Levi paused in the process of hanging up the phone, slowly brought it back to his ear. “You…” Those stormy grey eyes darted back and forth between Eren’s. “Are you sure about this? I won't hold it against you if you want to back out.”

It was a surprising show of concern, and Eren offered a soft smile. “Yeah, I'm sure. I know a couple guys who are good with walls. Don’t worry, it’ll be a piece of cake.”

The guard was at their cubicle now, voice muffled through the line as he no doubt insisted it was time to go. Levi’s eyes never strayed, but his chin dipped in a shallow nod as he hung up the receiver. Whether it was in response to the guard’s demand or Eren’s reassurance, though, he couldn’t say. Gradually lowering his own phone, Eren watched on with an unreadable expression, watched those cuffs tighten around Levi’s wrists, watched his husband be led away again.

Somewhere in the back of his mind were all the details he’d filed away before and during the visit. The layout of the prison, the safety measures at each checkpoint, the exact location of every security camera. An acquaintance on the inside who owed him a favor had even supplied him with a schedule for cell checks.

He hadn’t been lying. Even if Reiner and Bertholdt had refused to help, breaking in that night would be a breeze. He might have obtained a degree in mechanical engineering, but those few explosives engineering courses he’d taken had proved more useful than he could’ve ever imagined. There was no road forward that wouldn’t end with the prison walls being demolished. In less than twenty-four hours, he and Levi would be free. On the run, but free.

Maybe they’d cross the border into Canada. They were close enough to get out before the officials could sort through the mess and send out information on the escaped prisoners. He’d always wanted to go hiking at Banff National Park, see the polar bears at Churchill, ski down the Cirque and Couloir runs at Whistler, wake up in Levi’s arms to the historic view of Vieux-Quebec. And once they’d done all that, they’d move on.

They could go anywhere.

Everywhere.

Levi disappeared through the door, and Eren finally pushed up out of the chair. He made his way back through all the stations, retrieved his keys and id, and exited the building. The crisp morning air burned his lungs, but the sun warmed his face when he tilted it back, one hand resting on the hood of the car. There was no time to waste, though. Less than twenty-four hours. He had work to do.

_See you soon, Levi._


End file.
